Desire. What comes to your mind when you read and feel into this word?
I wasn’t familiar with the real understanding of this word until I started my journey of orgasm. Until then, desire for me was limited to something related to sex i.e. sexual desire.
Once my teacher asked me, “What is your desire Michael?”
I responded, “I want to have a girlfriend who is similar to my previous ex-girlfriend.” She asked again,
“What is your desire Michael?” I felt confused and surprised as I thought I had just answered her question.
Seeing me confused and surprised she said, “What you want is not necessarily what you desire.”
And then she explained me the difference between want and desire.
This was the first time I came to understand that what I desired was a lover who could deeply relate with me and understand me. I deeply desired to be in a meaningful, loving, and intimate relationship. The “want” was only on the surface. My ex-girlfriend had the qualities of lover I desired in a relationship but by focussing on her rather than on qualities of lover I desire in a relationship, I wasn’t allowing myself the possibilities of having someone else who could very much have these qualities because at an outset I was looking for someone who would be a certain physical type closely resembling to my ex-girlfriend.
When we have our desires fulfilled, it brings a certain level of satisfaction, a certain level of nourishment to some or whole parts of our body. Desire is not limited to love or sex but it can apply to broad range of life experiences, including our careers, our family, our desire to travel and see the world, and so on. What makes desires special is that they are tied to our sense of self, are highly individual, and if ignored they cause damage to our well-being without us realising the damage being done. When our sexual and orgasmic desires are suppressed, denied, or ignored, it has negative impacts on our relationships, our ability to access sexual pleasure, and indeed, our orgasmic potential.
So, we begin the topic of Desire as a compass for sexual freedom by asking, what does “desire” mean for you?