Notes from the Transition

Transitioning is never easy for anyone, so I wanted to share some of the wonderful experiences I have had during my recent transition.

Before the stay at home orders were implemented in Ohio, I took my mother and aunt out to lunch as Abbey. The restaurant was particularly busy that day, so we had to wait for our table. We were talking amongst ourselves and I was pointing out various patrons who may have been noticing me. Finally my mother looked around the lobby of the restaurant and loudly said, “You know, you look more feminine than a lot of other women here.”

While being required to stay at home I decided to commit myself to a schedule which includes regular exercise. When I began my exercise one morning, I kept noticing that my chest was hurting. I was concerned, I am older and I have issues with high blood pressure, so I stopped exercising to try and determine what was going on. I noticed that the pain wasn’t internal, it was an external pain. I then realized, “oh my gosh, my boobs are hurting!” My breast development had reached a point where their size and sensitivity required me to wear a sports bra when I exercise.

My company has been doing online trivia while we are working from home to replace their usual monthly competitions. I decided to join in this week, which would be the first time as Abbey. I wasn’t sure what to expect, I wasn’t nervous but I was definitely curious about what reactions I would get. I didn’t get any reaction, I was referred to as Abbey and she on multiple occasions. Unfortunately, my team did not win.

I have been trying to limit leaving the house, but I needed to go to the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions, return some items I purchased online and do a quick grocery run. I decided to dress down, a basic blue top, grey cardigan, skinny jeans and grey and pink sneakers. I wore a mask I rigged from a soccer scarf. Things seemed to go well, I did not get the usual attention I feel when I’m out. I picked up a bottle of wine to enjoy later. I went up to the self-checkout kiosk and scanned the bottle of wine and the machine prompted the attendant to check my id. I assumed at this point that I was ‘clocked’ because I have not been able to change my name legally yet, so my driver’s license still has my dead name and picture. So the attendant looks at my id, then me, then the id. He pauses, then says “I’m sorry I can’t accept this, it clearly isn’t you.”

Photo by Teddy Österblom on Unsplash

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