Journey Of Sneha

Read about Sneha’s Journey to discovering her femininity. Do you relate to it? Are you searching for your identity? Find out more in this article!

So, my journey starts here:

My name is “Sneha”, a name I’ve always admired. There have been so many questions in my mind since I was a child. But let me start from the very beginning, when my journey towards finding femininity began, in grade 6 or 7. I used to try my mom’s clothes, wear her jewellery and apply basic makeup, like lipstick, when no one was around. I’ve done it so many times when I was a kid (before grade 9) and luckily never got caught.

I excellent at sports like cricket, and at studies. My entire focus was on my career, rather than the determination of the gender I belonged to. I went to University and during the time when I was pursuing my bachelors’ degree, I didn’t feel realise that I was a woman inside. I would always find myself observing the clothes of other girls and admiring them, thinking that I might get to wear them one day. I found myself attracted to women’s clothing; especially ethnic wear like salwars, suits and sarees. I graduated in 2012 and in 2014, I moved on to do my post-graduation in Canada. At this point, I felt normal, and I was happy in my body. 

In Canada, I found out about Halloween. I didn’t know much about it before, but I asked my friends, and they told me you could wear whatever you wanted on that day. I reached out to a very close friend and asked her if I could dress up as a lady, and she said yes! She was more excited than I was. She helped me get ready and for the first time in my life, I went out dressed as a lady. It was quite challenging and really overwhelming for me. But I enjoyed it and people thought that I was actually a lady. It made me realize that this was what I wanted from my life. So, we went ahead and clicked some pictures that day, and shared them with one of my female friends in Australia. It was my birthday in 3 days. On my birthday, she posted that beautiful photo on Facebook, which ended up getting many comments and likes, something I had never experienced in my life. That made me realize that I didn’t look too bad as a woman; and that the feeling was absolutely fantastic.

I started to think of feminine-sounding names and it made me feel elated on the inside, but I kept pretending that I didn’t like them. Then again, these feelings had to end as I went back to a normal life. Sometime in the near future, some of my girl friends started demanding I dress up as a lady again, to give them a chance to show off their makeup skills. On the inside, I wished that they did it, but I kept denying them, as I knew that people wouldn’t accept that.

After two years, in 2017, one of my friends approached me to try her dress on me, and this time I said  “YES”, because I really wanted to have the same experience again. My only condition was that if I did, I wanted perfection!” She agreed to this. We both went to her house and she helped me to get ready. We truly rocked up that night. I went to a club as a woman with my friend and had dinner at a fancy restaurant. Everyone referred to me like a lady, which was absolutely amazing! No one, not even I, could figure that I was male on that particular day.

This made me feel so beautiful and accomplished. Now I finally realised I was a woman on the inside and was looking forward to seeing myself as a beautiful lady. People asked me so many questions about whether I liked boys or girls. I wasn’t interested in boys for sure. I love the company of women and I desired to be like them. In 2019, I went back home for a month and yet again, tried on my mom’s clothes. They fit me well and looked absolutely beautiful on me. I felt like they were made for me. It had been almost 10 to 12 years since the last time I did this and felt so comfortable. I realized that I should have been born female.

These feelings are increasing day by day, year by year and now it’s getting out of control because I can’t balance my work-life. My feelings: IF I HAVE TO LIVE MY OTHER HALF LIFE AS A LADY, I’LL HAPPILY ACCEPT IT. BUT I WANT TO BE THE BEST IN EVERY FORM. 


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