Interview with Cle’Tse Searle

Cle’Tse Searle founded her own blog named “Not this Black Girl”, created to challenge biases and address stereotypes. She has a polyamorous lifestyle and she shares her journey with people to encourage them to do what feels right and break away from social bonds.

Polyamory literally means the capability to love more than one person. It is the practice of engaging in multiple relationships with the consent of all the people involved. Cle’Tse has been practising this lifestyle for about 11 months but she feels like she has always been inclined to have intimate emotional connections with multiple people. In her youth she says there was a pattern where she would break off with one and pursue another, she didn’t know what polyamory was and having multiple partners was never a choice.

Since she entered this lifestyle she has two partners, Mark and Robert. She focusing on communication being key and her relative advantage as an over communicator. “Working on yourself and loving yourself is key, it helps you love others effectively.” Giving tips on how to navigate a poly relationship she says it is most crucial to sort out differences with your partner before seeking other partners or else it is impending doom. 

Is it just a phase? “If one’s needs are not being met by one partner and they have the inclination to have multiple partners they should try it if you and your partner are both okay with it.” There are many myths around polyamory. The most frequent one is, “ you just want to have sex with other people”. This is not true, these relationships are about deep emotional connections. If it was just sex, it would be more swinging than polyamory. It is NOT cheating, these are agreements between consenting adults. Another often heard one is, “You have to love one more than the other.” Cle’Tse absolutely disagrees as she tells about her unique relationships with both her partners. 

They talk about what it is like to be married and have children while simultaneously being in a polygamous relationship. They discuss the role of marriage in society as a mere social construct for legal protection.  She gives insightful advice to people who want to try polyamory and how you need to have a solid foundation with yourself and your long-term monogamous partner to try to be in a polyamorous relationship. Find out about different poly practices, what it entails and is it for you as talks to Cle’Tse!

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