Everyone has their own experiences when it comes to break ups. For some, it is a piece of cake, for some, it takes years of healing to overcome the dreadfulness. However, one thing is for sure: a pandemic can change the nature of your break up.
Many of us are locked in with our ex partners. Some of us cannot go to our ex’s place and convince them to get back. Having no one around can also be daunting, or having your whole family around can be exhausting, with you having to pretend that everything is fine.
Well, what do you do when a break up hits you during the pandemic? Here is what worked for me.
I never thought that I would ever suggest this to someone. But getting a good sleep is important to keep yourself healthy, and to not overthink. Of course you may ask, what about disturbing dreams?
Well, I have a hack. Just breathe in for 7 seconds while tightening up your muscles, hold for 3 seconds, then release your muscles and exhale. Do this 6 to 7 times, till you fall into a nice, deep sleep.
Have some nice memories to think about, before you go to sleep. Just tap your heart and think of good memories (not with your ex!).
I can’t emphasize this enough – always try to stay in touch with your family and friends. Be it a group video call, just talking on the phone and listening to their voice, it is important to replenish that closeness. Do not isolate yourself at this time.
You also have to isolate yourself in some situations though. Do not try to contact your ex back. Do not stalk them, and just block them off from everywhere. I know that it takes time to heal and you will be tempted to keep a tab on what is happening, but believe you me, keeping a tab on them and trying to search for hope of their return will only keep you more miserable.
Start something new!
Think of the things that you wanted to start/think of starting now, which do not involve your ex? It can be working out, getting stronger, learning to cook, and a lot more! It is a pandemic – it is horrible, but surprisingly comes with the gift of time. Many platforms have started their online services during COVID-19, you just need to find the right one.
Don’t beat yourself up
Healing is not a linear process – there is not any specific structure that you follow and say, bam! It is done!
There obviously exists no space for rebounds or getting back into the dating scene super soon during a pandemic. Having said that, you can and should join online communities who share the same interest as you – maybe a writing group, a support group comprising individuals who are going through the same thing as you. This especially helps if you belong to a marginalised identity. I discovered many such communities on Reddit that really helped!
Yoga and self massage
I know that any article that you come across will say this, but that is because it really works, if done right. Yoga is anything that leads to a union between your mind and body. It can be movement, it can be breath, it can be tasks like just having a shower.
Explore the various resources available online and see what works for you. Especially go for something that facilitates motion and flow.
Self-massaging can also be really wonderful – i use some oil to gently press points on my entire body, from top to feet, and especially the middle of my spine and abdominal area, and the soles of my feet. The touch facilitates pleasure and sends signals of happiness to your brain.
Additional suggestions if you’re locked up with your ex during the pandemic
If your break up involves a person with whom you had been in a living relationship, and the lockdown cannot facilitate much movement, then your challenges definitely grow in nature.
Firstly, try to see if it can be given a try? Of course, you must have broken up for a reason, and if the reason is absolutely important to you, then stick to it.
If you’re sure of the fact that you need to move on, you need to find distractions. Also, self-care is even more important. Do not get into the loop that your grief does not matter. This is a pandemic but it has space for your grief too.
If you are in a dangerous situation with your partner, make sure to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, as well as the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Help is there, please do not hesitate.
You have got this!